Community Blog: ICF Greater Phoenix Coaches Alliance

It’s easy to go into auto-drive when listing your skills on performance reports and resumes.  But if you were to stop and think about which skill in your repertoire is numero uno, it’s probably something that is so obvious you’re overlooking it. 
 
Here’s an enlightening exercise you can do over the next couple of weeks.  It’s a simple list of skills that you give to 5-7 people you know through various circumstances.  Choose one or two people close to you personally, and some with whom you have worked, including a senior manager or boss, as well as a colleague or peer.  You may also want to include someone you know through a volunteer or network organization.  Ask them to circle what they view as your top five skills and remind them that they can also add things that aren’t on the list.

Some responses may be what you expected and others may surprise you.  When I did this for myself several years ago, the top skill that people highlighted was “having fun”.  My response to that?  At first I rolled my eyes and thought, “That’s not a skill.  How on earth am I supposed to translate that into something marketable?”  But shortly after, I was thrust into an assignment where this newly acknowledged skill of mine really made a difference.  Over the years I’ve come to value that this is part of what I bring to any job: an ability to make work more fun, which in turn encourages creativity, enhances morale, and strengthens the team.

So, have a go with this exercise: Taking Stock of Your Skills.  When you collect the responses, at first you might roll your eyes like I did or think, “Oh, that again, so what.”  Just step back and consider what’s being reflected to you.  Why is it important?  What difference does it make when you bring that skill to the table?  Really think about it and begin to own this in a way you haven’t before.

What do you think?  I invite your comments. --Ginny

© 2009, Virginia M. Kravitz

VIRGINIA KRAVITZ, Career and Life Coach, founded In the Current® to serve accomplished professionals who want to move boldy in new directions and start living with a greater sense of joy and abandon.  Ginny’s e-zine, published every other Tuesday, is entitled Current of Life.  Visit at: www.inthecurrent.com

 

Do you think about it much? Has this year been pretty rough and you haven’t even stopped to think about being thankful?  Would you be able to make a list of all the things you are thankful for?

Let’s see if I can help you get in the mood to start counting your blessings.  How about starting with a word, ENJOY. Yeah, that makes sense with the holidays upon us. We have to remember to “enjoy.”  Isn’t that what a lot of people tell us to do?  “Enjoy the holidays,” “Enjoy the time off work,” “Enjoy the travels or hosting your in-laws at your house.” Ok, ENJOY!  Let’s break it down.

“E” stands for ENTHUSIASM. That would be a great place to start. Without enthusiasm, the holidays could be ho-hum.  Enthusiasm should help us get in the spirit.  Enthusiasm could increase our energy level. Hey, “energy” is another word that starts with “E.”  Little children have enthusiasm and look how much energy they have to enjoy the holidays!

“N” stands for NEIGHBOR.  Love thy neighbor, of course.  The holidays are a great time to be thankful for your neighbors and all the nice things they do for you throughout the year. Oh, another “N” word, nice.  Really, neighbors are who help us enjoy our home and our neighborhood.  Are you a nice neighbor?

“J” stands for JERKY.  What?  Yeah, haven’t you ever had turkey jerky before?  You get turkey jerky if you leave the turkey in the oven too long and it gets really dry and tough. Can you imagine what a 20 pound tom turkey would yield as jerky?  Maybe a pound or two of jerky?  No, even gravy doesn’t make turkey jerky taste better.

“O” stands for OVERLOAD.  Just knowing you could be on overload at sometime during the holidays, that should be enough to at least prepare you for when you blow a gasket when you least expect it.  And what about all those other people around you, whether at work or at home? Do they ever experience overload?  Maybe the definition of “overload” is when you charge too much on the credit card during the holidays and the bill shows up in January. Yeah, that is overload!

“Y” stands for YEAR END.  Aren’t you glad these holidays come at the end of the year?  Just think if the holidays came earlier in the year instead of year end, what would that be like?  No snow or cold weather.  No gloves and mittens.  No skiing, sledding or building snowmen during the holidays.  Yeah, I guess “year end” is the best time for the holidays.

No matter how you look at the holidays, with enthusiasm, indifference or somewhere in between, I sincerely wish you and your family a happy Thanksgiving. “ENJOY” the holidays.  Incidentally, if you find a way to salvage that turkey prior to it turning into jerky, let me know the trick.

Jane Emberty is a certified life/career coach and CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer) of Moving Thru Transition. With more than 20 years of human resources management experience she brings recruiting strategies to the table to help job seekers put their best foot forward. She is currently serving as the VP of Professional Development for the ICF- Phoenix chapter focusing on the New Coaches Collaborative that began this fall. For more information contact her at www.MovingThruTransition.com

Community and Collaboration -- two of my favorite things. Today I got great big doses of both! The HNK Consultants' Community (http://www.slhinet.org/group.htm?mode=home&igid=224) is a group of consultants who work with non-profits and we had a full day retreat.

We used World Cafe (http://www.theworldcafe.com/) and Open Space technologies (http://www.openspaceworld.org/) which are designed to quickly foster meaningful discussion and collaboration among large groups. These powerful methods are frequently used to focus on what is working well (strengths) and how to build on that base.

Our International Coach Federation Phoenix Chapter had a World Cafe at our January 2008  meeting and our board used the ideas and suggestions that came from that meeting to craft a strategic plan for the organization. It was a great way to start the year.

I think that my favorite part of today's meeting were the speed presentations. A series of speakers had 5 minutes each to present on a variety of topics. It's not easy to convey useful information in an engaging way in such a short time and all of the presenters did a fine job. I was reminded of the 2009 National Speakers Association Convention which used a similar format -- in fact the sound and video were cut off at the exact time limit!

Jack Smith of (http://www.thesociallatte.com/) gave a great presentation for us on how to use social media for our businesses. He's written a blog post here on Jobing that covers many of the same details (http://phoenix.jobing.com/blog_post.asp?post=21908).

What do you do to bring Community and Collaboration into your life and work?

Debra Exner, PCC, CPCC, is the current president of the International Coach Federation Phoenix Chapter and is a Coach, Facilitator, Speaker, and Workshop Leader. She is currently co-authoring a book on Collaboration and she publishes a blog on the topic at http://collaborationpaysoff.wordpress.com/

 What a Turn of Phrase Can Do  
Nine years ago I was sitting in a conference room with my colleague, Joan.  We were girding up to tackle the task of creating a brand new graphic exhibit for the company’s corporate briefing center of which I was the director.  This job, one of many within a larger project, felt particularly daunting.  Even though we had traversed this territory successfully before, this time was different.  We felt the pressure of wanting to make it bigger and better and were concerned about communicating the exact right message.  And once again, the deadline loomed.  We had allowed our creativity to be squelched and were procrastinating with the best of them. 

Sensing the need for a dose of confidence, I looked at Joan and said, “You know… they brought us in for this.”  It was meant to be humorous, as if the scope of what we were doing were critically important and we were the only ones who could do it!  The funny thing is the effect this one phrase had on us:  They brought us in.  The result was an instant shift.  We lightened up and stepped into the roles of experts who were “brought in” for a job only we could do.  Silly, I know, but it worked. From there we were able to make creative decisions and get the ball rolling. 

They Brought Me In  
Joan reports that she still uses this technique whenever she needs a jolt of confidence.  Keep in mind that it’s not important whether the declaration, “They brought me in,” is based in reality.  Two things happen when you allow yourself to get into the spirit of this phrase:  1) It helps you lighten up which makes it easier for you to deliver your best work, and 2) It invites you to step into the role of expert.  What if you really were “called in” for your expertise and it was just a matter of doing what you do naturally and easily? 

Especially in an environment where you can feel replaceable, sometimes it pays to believe that only you can do the job the way it needs to be done.  What if you knew that you were right where you were supposed to be, doing exactly what you were capable of doing, and that you were going to do a spectacular job?  Imagine the impact that donning this attitude could have when interviewing for a job, making a presentation, or asking for the sale.  How might you behave differently?  It’s very likely that your confidence and self-assurance would shine through to stunning results. 
  
Be the Expert 
 
Picture someone who you’d have to “bring in” to do a particular job.  Who comes to mind?  Bill Murray in Ghost Busters?  Underdog?  Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear?   Donald Trump?  Your computer guy?  I stand by my conviction that silly unleashes great things!

The next time you feel intimidated by the job on your desk or the scope of something you’re attempting to accomplish, be willing to see yourself as the expert and say out loud, “They brought me in.”

VIRGINIA KRAVITZ, Career and Life Coach, founded In the Current® to serve accomplished professionals who want to move boldy in new directions and start living with a greater sense of joy and abandon.  Ginny’s e-zine, published every other Tuesday, is entitled Current of Life.  Visit at: www.inthecurrent.com 

© 2009, Virginia M. Kravitz

How many times do we think we are ready to move forward and accept that new opportunity? Seems like a no-brainer, right?  Well, it may not be that easy.

Think about this: What if you were out of work and you had a fantastic job opportunity to relocate to a foreign country, somewhere outside your comfort zone.  The offer is legitimate, the pay was good, you could follow your passion and work in an area of great interest to you.  Furthermore, the employer contacted you about the position and they want you to start right away.  It wasn’t a position you had applied for. So it really hits you out of the blue! Your first thought is, “How exciting! Finally my big break!”

Then you start to think about the offer and all the things you will have to do before you can take the job. Here are just a few of the things you’ll have to do: 

1.        Put your house on the market or give your landlord notice of breaking your lease

2.        Figure out what you can sell so you don’t have to pack everything

3.        Packing stuff and putting it in storage

4.        Set up your bills on automatic pay options

5.        Forward your mail

6.        Stop the newspaper

7.        Get your teeth cleaned before you go so you don’t have to find a new dentist

8.        Oh, and you may need to follow up on some medical stuff before you go, too

9.        And you can’t forget the dogs or cats. What about them?

10.    And what about the holiday plans you had made with the family? That will have to change!

11.    Oh my goodness. My car? Do I sell it or store it? Other options?

Well, you get the idea. There is a lot to do before you could go. Depending on your situation, your list could be much longer.  Then doubt starts to enter. Are you making the right choice? What do your friends or family members say about it? Perhaps this would mean your immediate family will have to move with you, or do you leave them behind? So much to consider! It could be very complicated. Thank goodness you have your passport!

How would you handle this scenario if it happened to you?

If you are out of work, take time to look at all the little things in your life that may be holding you back in various ways.  In Jack Canfield’s book, The Success Principles, Chapter 28, Clean Up Your Messes and Your Incompletes, it gives you more insights into some of the things that may hold you back when you least expect them to.  One of my favorite quotes comes from Les Brown who said, “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”

Are you ready for your big breakthrough? What if it came tomorrow or next week? Would you be ready to say, “YES!”  If your answer is “No” or even, “I don’t know,” take time to get things in order. It can be the biggest gift you give yourself.

Jane Emberty is a certified life/career coach and owner of Moving Thru Transition. More than 20 years of human resources management experience she brings recruiting strategies to the table to help job seekers discover their passion and land their ideal job. She is currently serving as the VP of Professional Development for the ICF-Phoenix Chapter focusing on the New Coaches Collaborative that meets from Sept through May 2010. For more information contact her at www.MovingThruTransition.com

Picture this...

You are in a nice restaurant for lunch.  You're meeting someone for the first time and you want to make a very good first impression. After scanning the menu you find something that looks delicious and which you know won't make a mess when you are eating. 

After all, you do want to impress the person, don't you?

Your lunch parter orders his/her lunch and you both settle back and start talking.

The waitperson brings over a breadbasket and sets it on the table.  There's an incredible variety of breads and rolls, and they all look absolutely delicious.  Within seconds, the fragrance of fresh bread engulfs your table and you can feel your mouth start watering.

Mmmmm, you hardly wait for the first bite.

But, again, you want to make that important first impression a positive one, so you don't grab the basket and take the best for yourself.

What happens next shocks you and makes you really wish that you had done just that!

Your lunch partner picks up the basket, but instead of offering it to you, proceeds to pick through the different rolls and buns, picking up several, turning them over and even taking a quick sniff of a few. The rejects are placed back in the basket

I bet you think this couldn't possibly happen, don't you?

Well, guess what?  It happended to me last week. I immediately lost my appetite. Both for the bread and for working with the person.

Be sure that you don't make any similar mistakes when you are meeting with a prospective employer.  Because, like me, they may lose their appetite for working with you.

Sylva

Sylva Leduc, MEd, MPEC
Executive Coach & Leadership Strategist

Coauthor, Roadmap to Success
Get your free copy at
www.SageLeaders.com

 

 

Welcome back!  As my previous blog entry stated, coaching is all about helping people successfully move upwards through change in order to reach their goals.  We’re never going to escape “change” in our lives, so figuring out how to use it to your advantage is extremely valuable.   

All of us have tried self-change at some point, and probably most of us have failed once or twice.  Remember those New Year’s resolutions?  Remember your last infamous attempt to lose weight?  Well, you know already that lasting change is rarely accomplished through your first attempt.  People need to persevere over time with deliberate intent - ideally with the support of a professional coach.   

The six-stage program for “…overcoming bad habits and moving your life positively forward,” developed through extensive research by James O. Prochaska, et al, is a model of intentional change. It can be applied toward pinpointing and working to achieve a variety of positive behavioral changes in areas such as:  procrastination, poor interpersonal communication, projected negativity, lack of personal accountability, and other behavioral blocks preventing people from achieving more success and satisfaction in their lives.     

My previous blog post covered the first two "Stages of Change" identified by Prochaska in his book “Changing for Good:” Pre-contemplation, where you may not even be thinking about climbing the first rung of the change ladder at all, perhaps resisting and/or opting not to change; Contemplation, where you are facing the idea of a desirable change in your life, and seriously considering how to tackle it.

Now, Stages 3 and 4 are where YOU REALLY GET TO WORK at making your desired changes happen:

TTM Stage 3:  PREPARATION – Putting your ducks in order, so to speak.  Depending on your style, you may go about this quickly, without much thought (risking a premature end to your change process), or you may gather tons of information and research to bolster your efforts (risking becoming stuck in “getting ready to get ready”).  Either extreme poses dangers of falling off the change ladder. 

Here are some tactics that will help you prepare for the challenges ahead:

• Where are you stuck now?  Consider where you go, what you do, and who your supporters are when you are engaged in the habit you want to change.  How does each component contribute to KEEPING you from changing to how you want to behave in the future?  What do you need to do and WILL YOU alter these components (places, people, circumstances, timing, etc.) that contribute to reinforcing an undesirable habit?  For example, the weekly dinner with good friends that usually knocks your weight loss efforts off-track.  How do you benefit through this?  How can you alter its power over your actions and still keep the valuable parts?  
• Who will you be when you’ve CHANGED?  Look at yourself in the future, as the person who practices the habits you really want to have.  How does that person (you) live a more personally satisfying life?  What does that person (you) feel about themselves?  Write it down, and keep those words where you can read them frequently, add to them, and build on them for your successful preparation to take sustainable action.  For example, my husband used to say to himself frequently throughout the day, during his 9 th attempt to stop smoking:  “I AM NOT A SMOKER!”  He would look in the rearview mirror of his car as he drove around in his sales job and announce this to himself: “I AM NOT A SMOKER!”  I’m proud to say that today (many years later), he’s NOT a smoker.

TTM Stage 4:  ACTION – As you well know, change doesn’t happen unless ACTION precedes it.  However, in Prochaska’s research we find a major key to the success of YOU taking action for change:  you must value the PROS of change over the CONS before the action you take will be worth it.  In other words, you have to see what’s in it for YOU, and that has to count for MUCH more than what you’re leaving behind.  This may be exactly where the open manhole unexpectedly appears, and many would-be self-changers, rushing forward, fall into it.   

Make a list of what your BENEFITS will be in making a change, and what a separate list of what you’re going to LOSE.  Which list outweighs the other? Evaluate whether you’re ready to take action now, and if you’re not, just take one step back. 

If the BENEFITS win, proceed with ACTION and use these tips for support: 

Continually refocus your energies, diverting your attention from what you want to STOP doing, and countering with what will LEAD YOU AWAY.  Many people find that a focused exercise program helps redirect them and generates positive energy for self-change.  For example, I know someone who wanted to stop the perpetually negative arguments with her teen daughter after school.  My friend started an exercise class at that time, and substituted productive, healthy action for destructive arguments – going back home with a healthier viewpoint.  

Continually assert your right to CHANGE to yourself and others!  Recognize external and internal pressures that materialize daily to derail your change efforts, and practice your POWER to counter them.  You have the RIGHT to change – the right to choose.  Enlist support from every front, including a life coach (this is important, and you knew it was coming!) who will support you in reaching your goals.  

Successful change takes continual focus and practice, but habits can be replaced with other habits – the ones you WANT to own. 

Please look for my next post which will explore the two last components of Prochaska’s change process, namely Stages 5 and 6:  Maintenance and Recycling.  Until then, focus on the above stages in earnest to make progress in your desired life changes.        

_________________________________________________________________________

 

- Certified Creative Life and Talent Management Coach (International Coach Federation) and a member of the Phoenix Chapter of the ICF in Arizona. Find her at People Powered Solutions LLC (www.pplpowered.com), and www.LinkedIn.com. 

Copyright (c) 2009 People Powered Solutions LLC

 

Are you at the threshold of changing your self-direction?  Then it is an ideal time to have a conversation with a professionally certified coach to help you clarify your focus on the change you want to make.  Find us in the International Coach Federation listings at http://www.icfphoenix.com and call to get started up the change ladder.

Author Gayla Doucet

To-do lists can nag you or make you crazy. There are many ways to handle them, and the one I learned in the corporate world is my least favorite: I was taught to create three columns, one for most important, one for medium important and one for things that are good to get done sometime this week. Didn't work for me, although it must have good uses for some people.

First, I have to admit that I use a paper to-do list. Yes, I have post-its on my Mac. Yes, I have a calendar that lets me generate a to-do list. But for the same reason I keep a paper calendar, I use a paper to-do list. It's easier for me.

Here are two ways to use a to-do list. Both involve 3 x 5 index cards, or 4 x 6 cards if you write big.  (I turn the cards and work on them portrait-orientation.) I work on several projects at a time, so I use one card per project. Each project's name is written on the top of the card, and the to-do list underneath. That way, I can put all the project to-do lists next to each other and see how much work I have and which project needs to take priority. When I have a lot of projects going at the same time, it's wonderful.

When I get really into projects, I assign one color to each project, and color code the cards to match the project. (You can also use different color cards.) Color coding gives me overviews and helps me draw conclusions faster. ("A lot of blue cards, do I need to farm some of this out?" "The yellow project is due in a week. Why so few yellow cards? Am I done early, or is there something missing?")

Then there is the worry list to-do list. When I wake up at night, unable to sleep and busy worrying, I make a list of things I'm worrying about. Having written down the worries, I go back to sleep. The next morning, I tackle the things that need to be done.

The last to-do list is called the tag-cloud to-do list. Because I use the same method as tag clouds--the more important a task, the bigger I write it. Because I have small handwriting, I draw a box around each item on the list. The bigger the box, the more important (or worrisome, or pressing) the item. That gives me two facts at once: the item and the importance, all in one glance.

You can use a mix of these methods. Color-coding works with tag-clouding very well.  Tag-clouding works with worry-list well, too. And no matter what method I choose, writing down all the things that need to get done helps me free up more memory cells.

--Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach and a trainer specializing in communicating. That includes Writing for the Web and Giving Powerful Presentations. See all the topics at QuinnCreative.com  © 2007-9 All rights reserved.

Talk About Food  
I knew I would like Julie and Julia, the movie about blog author Julie Powell and adored chef Julia Child, because: a) it was about food, b) it was a glorious example of following your passion no matter how late you get started, c) it was about food…oh, I mentioned that already, and d) I got to see the movie with my friend since first grade, Luisa, who is herself an amazing cook, though she’d shy away from that title. As we watched Julia on screen, I made mental notes of the ingredients that when combined, resulted in Julia’s tremendous success and what you could call a delectable life.

Julia’s Recipe

Sometimes a glimpse is all you have to go on.  In her 30’s and looking for what might be “her thing”, Julia Child experimented. Appreciating a finely prepared meal spurred her interest in learning to cook and immersing herself in French culture, which eventually fueled her desire to teach others. While she never could have imagined the role that awaited, Julia opened the door to her future simply by deciding to pursue an interest.  Read more of Julia’s Recipe here.

Get Your Pot Ready!

When Julia Child stepped foot into Le Cordon Bleu, she could not foresee the 11 books and 8 TV series that she would later contribute to the world, the American Institute of Wine and Food that she would found, or that her kitchen would eventually be transported to the Smithsonian.

You may be cooking up something bigger than you can imagine, too, so get the big pot out, just in case. Learn one way to do this here.

Be willing to experiment. Be fearless in the kitchen of your imagination. Pick up the lamb when you drop it!  Laugh at yourself, do more of what delights you, and share it with people.

“Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need.”
—Julia Child (1912-2004)

P.S. The post above is an excerpt from a recent article I wrote which you can read in its entirety here.  Whether you are job hunting, making a major career change, or building a business, having role models is essential.  I think Julia Child is a wonderful example of persistence, fearlessness, and what can happen when you follow your passion. Have a great week. –Ginny

© 2009, Virginia M. Kravitz

VIRGINIA KRAVITZ, Career and Life Coach, founded In the Current® to serve accomplished professionals who want to move boldy in new directions and start living with a greater sense of joy and abandon.  Ginny's e-zine, published every other Tuesday, is entitled Current of Life.  Visit at: www.inthecurrent.com 

There have been many studies conducted that support the importance of goal setting. It is a proven fact that goal setters are more inclined to achieve significantly more than others who don’t set goals. Do you set goals on an annual basis? Do you check in periodically to ensure you are still on track to achieve them?  Do you set smaller goals for the day, the week or the month?  If you answered ‘yes’, then I know you are going places!

When you set goals, you can be assured that there will be things that pop up to take you off course, derail your efforts or make you jump through hoops.  You will be challenged as you pursue your goals.  So why does this happen?  Jack Canfield provided more information about this in his book, The Success Principles:

“If you know that these three things are part of the process, then you can treat them as what they are – just things to handle – rather than letting them stop you.”

He is talking about considerations, fears and roadblocks.  Considerations are things you might have to do to achieve a goal, such as run faster, work harder, do more or your relationships may be affected, etc. These considerations are just reasons you might not be able to achieve the goal. They are there for a reason. By acknowledging them, you can better deal with them and determine if this is something that needs to be addressed before actually achieving your goal. Considerations are very helpful when you are strategizing the methods you might explore to achieve your goals.

The second thing is fears. Fears stem from feelings.  Many times they surface when you are reminded of a past incident when you were hurt, either emotionally or physically. Depending on the fear, it can become a show stopper, but it may depend upon how deep the roots run with that issue. However, fears can also be acknowledged and dealt with at the appropriate level.

Roadblocks stem from the external environment.  A roadblock may come from a co-worker whose efforts aren’t supporting the team. A roadblock can come from lack of financial resources or enough time to complete the assignment or goal. Roadblocks come from other people or other external sources rather than internal sources. Roadblocks are there to keep us challenged. Just think, if you never encountered a roadblock it might indicate your goals are too low.

Think about how considerations, fears and roadblocks have popped up in your life.  Were they show stoppers for you? Were they responsible for you losing your focus, thus not achieving your goal?  Have they impacted your effectiveness when it comes to goal setting and achievement?  Everyone deals with these considerations, fears and roadblocks differently. The more you deal with them, the better you get. Keep goal setting, manage your considerations, fears and roadblocks and keep trying.

Jane Emberty is a certified life/career coach and owner of Moving Thru Transition. More than 20 years of human resources management experience she brings recruiting strategies to the table to help job seekers put their best foot forward. She is currently serving as the VP of Professional Development for the ICF-Phoenix Chapter focusing on the New Coaches Collaborative that meets from Sept through May 2010. For more information contact her at www.MovingThruTransition.com

WHAT YOUR KIDS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW

(BUT THEY REALLY DO)

 

Kids will never say these things to their parents for fear of feeling stupid, be embarrassed, or actually being held to much higher standards then their friends; however, over the last six years, when I have asked kids residing in lock down facilities if they had a message for their parents, what would it be, this is what their answers were. 

  1.      “It disappoints me knowing that I can get away with anything.  You can hold me accountable and it matter.  Show me that I matter and how I matter.”  “Please give me limits, structures, and boundaries, I need them.”  “Please discipline me and be consistent.”  "Please spend quality time with just me.”

 

2.      “I don’t know what we stand for.”  "I don’t know what I stand for.”  "I don’t know what I’m a part of or how I fit in.”  “ I don’t know how I can contribute – tell me – show me – teach me.”  “Most of all have higher expectations of me.”

 

3.      “Please be my parent, the adult in my life.”  “Tell me about you and tell me about me.”

 

4.      “Don’t give in because you’re uncomfortable or I’m uncomfortable.  Discomfort causes much learning.”  “Don’t give me an excuse to let down or be lesser than I am.”  "Please hold me and see me as bigger than I see myself.”  “Please believe in me – I need you to believe in me.”  “I look up to you, be a role model – I’m watching, learning, listening, all the time.”

 

5.      “Please trust me.”  “What will it take for you to really trust me?”  “Why don’t you talk to me, I mean, really talk to me?”  “I need you to teach me, guide me, and care for me, always.”

 

6.       “What I want most is for you to love yourself, to love each other, and to love and accept me as I am.”  “Please create a safe place for me in our home and most of all tell me you love me.”

 

As a Family Relations and Life Coach, I am called upon to assist parents in being prepared, proactive, and purposeful as they create their intentional families.  When I am asked, “how can we (parents) avoid conflict, create lasting connection, and have lasting influence with our kids.”  My response is always, “What your kids don’t want you to know.”

 

 

Frank Brogni, ACC, is a Family Relations Coach.  He can be reached at frank@worldclassparenting.com or you can call him at 602-920-6287.  Go to www.worldclassparenting.com and receive a FREE e-book entitled “The Top 7 Questions That Keep Parents Awake at Night.”    

 

 

Coaching is all about helping people successfully move upwards through change in order to reach their goals. Change is one of the only sure bets in your life (you know the others).   It stands to reason that knowing how to climb the “change ladder” to reach the heights to which you aspire will be extremely valuable throughout your life.

How fast can you change?  Behavioral change is rarely accomplished through just one event, but most often over time with deliberate intent - ideally with the support of a certified professional coach.   

It’s helpful to take steps toward change that are well defined, solid and supportive in moving you up the ladder to your goal.  James O. Prochaska, co-author with Norcross and DiClemente of "Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward" (Collins 1994), is well known for introducing a simple and effective "stage-based" approach with widespread utility.  His Transtheoretical Model (TTM) has been in wide use by health professionals and coaches worldwide since it was introduced in the 1980’s. 

TTM is a model of intentional change. It focuses on the decision making of the individual to take steps toward achieving desired and lasting change.  The model was originally applied within a clinical setting to help patients stop smoking.  Over the years it has been widely accepted as a useful change model within the professional coaching community and can be applied toward pinpointing and working to achieve a variety of positive behavioral changes in areas such as:  procrastination, , poor interpersonal communication, projected negativity, lack of personal accountability, and other behavioral blocks preventing people from achieving more success and satisfaction in their lives.     

The "Stages of Change" identified by Prochaska in his book contain: 

1.        Pre-contemplation

2.        Contemplation

3.        Preparation

4.        Action

5.        Maintenance

6.        Recycling

In the spirit of “climbing a ladder,” I will cover two TTM stages in this post and two each in the next two posts.  As you read along, ask yourself where YOU are in relation to making positive changes in your life.  Keep in mind – IF you are in the “Pre-contemplation” stage, you may not be able to answer this question!  (So, if you are open, think about the possibilities in asking someone you trust and who knows you:  “If I were to increase my personal success and satisfaction, where do you believe I could focus for the most benefit?”  Just a thought…).  If you are already in the “Contemplation” stage, however, you will be able to visualize and relate to the basic rungs of the ladder above you! 

TTM Stage 1:  PRE-CONTEMPLATION – No ladder in sight!  If you are repeatedly practicing an unsuccessful behavior that is blocking your success, you are clueless about it at this stage.  Maybe someone is trying to tell you, for example, that your habit of ignoring the contributions of others is blocking your next promotion.  If so, you may be in denial about what they say, or have ready-made excuses why their observations are off-base.  You may be blaming others for your lack of success, or just not able to see it.  You may not see a reason to climb that first rung of the ladder (until you are fired). 

Here are some tactics you can take, if you want – and they begin with an open mind:

• Begin to seriously think about what others are saying to you (your last performance review, your friend’s recent observation, your family’s feedback, etc.), and ask questions to really understand what they mean.
• Today, try taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life, as if you are the main cause of your experience.  How’s it going for you?  Talk it over with someone you trust and who knows you.

TTM Stage 2:  CONTEMPLATION – You see the ladder off in the distance.  It might be useful, but maybe you’ve tried to change before and it didn’t work.  Maybe you believe the timing isn’t right.  Maybe you think it’s not worth the effort of climbing all those rungs on the ladder.  But – the good thing is you’re thinking seriously about how something in your life might be changed for the better.  So you could decide to:

• Explore the possibility of making a change and evaluate what benefits you will derive if you do – and what might be holding you back.  What are the trade-offs?
• Look for examples and inspiration from others who demonstrate successful behaviors similar to what you are contemplating – such as superb teamwork and leadership skills.  What have they achieved that you also want? 

To summarize this post, getting started with the change process is a matter of seriously focusing on what you want to change.  You need to see it clearly and want it before proceeding with Stages 3 and 4, “Preparation and Action,” which are the topics in my next post. 

Are you in the “Contemplation” stage?  Then it is an ideal time to have a conversation with a professionally certified coach to help you clarify your focus on the change you want to make.  Find us in the International Coach Federation listings at http://www.icfphoenix.com and call to get started up the change ladder.

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Author Gayla Doucet - Certified Creative Life and Talent Management Coach (International Coach Federation) and a member of the Phoenix Chapter of the ICF in Arizona. Find her at People Powered Solutions LLC (www.pplpowered.com), and www.LinkedIn.com. 

Copyright (c) 2009 People Powered Solutions LLC

Recently I read Mark Sanborn’s list of his 50 best lessons from his 50 years of life.  Mark is a recognized thought leader on leadership skill training as well as speaker and author. As I read through his list of 50, I could definitely relate to them.  Here are three of my favorites:

#2  Take Walt Disney’s advice: “Find a job that you like so much that you would do it without compensation; then do it so well that people will pay you to continue.”

What great advice for job seekers.  Are you doing what you love?  What do you like so much that you would do it without getting paid? How often job seekers try to land another job similar to their last job or a job they have held before. If you have been out of work for more than a few months, this could be a great time to ask yourself this question.  The answer can lead you to your passion and your purpose. Start to dream a little bit. Start to brainstorm about the possibilities.

#12 Nobody has extra time – you must make room in your life for what is important.

I can relate to this one!  A few years ago I had a full plate. It was heaping full!  I had a job that was more than full time; I was juggling career, family, personal interests and more. Then one day, my plate got dumped. It wasn’t a choice I made to dump my plate, but in retrospect, it was the best thing that happened to me.  At that point, I realized that I had to make better choices. No longer would I fill up my plate with what other people wanted me to do. At that point, I began to live more on purpose and today I have a lot more joy and meaning in my life.  How about you? Are you making time in your life for what is important to you?

#16 The more things you own, the more things own you.

As I drive through the neighborhood, I often see yard sale or garage sale signs.  Yes, I understand people are trying to make some extra money and they are also getting rid of stuff.  Let me ask you this. After you make that extra money from selling some of your stuff, what will you do with that extra money? Will you buy more stuff?  Will you pay down a credit card with which you already bought other stuff?  When you look around your home, is there more stuff you could get rid of?  Is your space cluttered?  How about your life?  Is it cluttered too?  Do you feel your stuff owns you and you can’t get away from it? It can be a vicious cycle if you don’t recognize it and decide to take control and make better choices.

If any of these statements resonate with you and you need support for making some changes in your life, contact me. Let’s talk about the possibilities.

Jane Emberty is a certified life/career coach and owner of Moving Thru Transition. More than 25 years of human resources management experience she brings recruiting strategies to the table to help job seekers put their best foot forward. She is currently serving as the VP of Professional Development for the ICF-Greater Phoenix Coaches Alliance focusing on the New Coaches Collaborative that meets from Sept through May 2010. For more information contact her at www.MovingThruTransition.com