Blog Post: Resilience

Resilience  n.

1. The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy.

2. The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed; elasticity.

I am, of course, writing about the first definition of the word. The second definition, though, is a great metaphor.

Think of a time in your life when you responded with resilience. What happened? What factors allowed you to bounce back? Did you recover right away or after you worked through the situation? Did you wallow in despair for a period of time?

If this is an especially stressful time in your life, I definitely am talking to you. We all face challenges in life and being resilient may include feeling low for awhile when things get tough. The key is to use all of your resources to work through things and come out on the other side better for the experience.

If you are depressed and have persistent trouble with normal life (eating, sleeping, working or studying, enjoying the people and hobbies that you usually enjoy, caring for yourself, etc.) get professional psychological help (see note below).

Here are some suggestions that have helped people to become more resilient in times of trouble:

• Connections to family and friends. It is very important to reach out to others. Don’t try to go it alone.

• Get clear about your values and decide what is truly important.

• Notice what works rather than focus on the loss. One exercise I frequently use and recommend to others is to write down five things I’m grateful for each day. Doing this exercise for a week or longer helps to shift your perspective.

• Learn from the past or, in the case of a departed loved-one, look for and cherish the lessons they taught you.

• Acknowledge and work through the loss rather than bury it. Depending on the nature of the loss you could talk with friends, work with a therapist or coach, join a support group, journal, pray, take some quiet time or meditate.

• Take extra good care of yourself. I wonder why, when we need it the most, we tend to drop our good habits and deprive ourselves of nutritious food, adequate sleep, and stress-relieving exercise. Do all you can to support good health and energy.

• Cultivate optimism. There is evidence that a more optimistic attitude can be cultivated. Check out this article by Marsha Rideout about factors that contribute to optimism: http://www.6seconds.org/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=90
  or the book Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman for more information.

• Recognize your strengths, talents and skills and take the opportunity to increase your self-knowledge.

• Look for ways around obstacles. Be persistent in working toward goals. 

• Accept change. Imagine a new future.

• Keep things in perspective and enjoy your sense of humor!

Draw strength from your survival instincts and learn from your experiences. What has helped you the most in the past? When you’re feeling down, it is hard to climb out. Have a list of tried and true methods to help you get started. Send me an email if you need to borrow my list. Then, you can make your own on a better day.

Take pride in your ability to survive. You will find a way to handle whatever comes your way.

Note: If you think you may be suffering from depression get professional help. See http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depression.cfm for more information.

Sources:

http://www.apahelpcenter.org/featuredtopics/feature.php?id=6&ch=1

http://www.projectresilience.com/framesconcepts.htm

http://www.wilderdom.com/psychology/resilience/PsychologicalResilience.html

Debra Exner is the President of the Greater Phoenix Coaches Alliance, a chapter of the International Coach Federation, and is Professional Certified Coach. She works with self-directed individuals who want to maximize their effectiveness and satisfaction with work and life and to improve their Collaborability. She is also an Authorized Now What® Facilitator(1) – a powerful program for people in career and life transitions. Visit her at http://www.exnerassociates.com

(1) Now What?® is a registered trademark of InterCoach, Inc. and is based on the book Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang.  Ginny Kravitz, Debra Exner, and Maria Busch are the Phoenix-area Authorized Now What?® Program Facilitators.